Recall On Sale...

Despite my best efforts, I had to remove my defective mother from public sale. I guess it is somehow ethically or morally unlawful to try and traffic humans.

Plus, mom said she is just too busy for relocation at this time because of her upcoming research papers due dates and college finals.

I suppose I can try and think of alternatives ways to punish her for my injustice. In the meantime, I will take advantage of her sudden added interest in my play and feeding routine.

Yet, I still have this overwhelming feeling that she is somehow trying to quiet my vocal protest...

Cat Caretaker For Sale...

When mom really upsets me, I usually talk of running away to grandmas. This time I am going to try something new. I am putting my mom up for sale to the highest bidder. Remember, I must obtain top dollar so I can secure a newer model to replace her.

Now, before you get too excited and whip out your ATM cards, I need to expound on why this has happened and I need to illustrate her strengths and weaknesses.

See mom and I have a long history together. She adopted my sister and I in 1995 and we have been her rock ever since. After my sister and the bully bird both passed away, I stepped up and took on the role of head mom caretaker. This was working fabulously until she came up with the brilliant idea to adopt a “friend” for me. Life has never been the same since.

I have suffered in silence long enough. She conspired with the yeti furball and posted disgusting pictures of me for the whole world to see. Now, I will not start trying to defend myself since this same sadistic behavior has happened before. Not in the too distant past was I drugged and placed next to the hissing slasher so hideous photographs could be taken. Once again, my mother has crossed the line and I have no more forgiveness in my heart.

Let us first examine her strengths:

1. She is patient. You would have to be to adopt a three legged, toothless, blind, stinky ass cowcat who pisses all over your house.
2. She is selfless. If any kitty in the house is asleep on the big people bed, she will gladly curl up on the couch as to not disturb you.
3. She listens. When anyone cries, she will pick you up or dole out yummy food on demand.
4. She is tidy. Our litter boxes are impeccably clean and scooped numerous times a day.
5. She is observant. If she suspects you are suffering any ailment, you will be rushed to the Vet at any hour of the day or night.

Being a fair and honest cat, I must point out her flaws so you are well educated before any purchase.

1. She does not cook. Since I am selling her as a cat caretaker, only kitties that eat food from a can/bag/jar need to look at her.
2. She is a perpetual student. This is an ongoing process so you will have to put up with her wacky schedule until she feels she has enough letters after her name.
3. She purchases toxic waste. Not only does she squirt it on your neck, she lies and says it is for “fleas”.
4. She sucks at photography. If you have ever seen my blog before you probably already know this.
5. She is a traitor. If any “new” creature comes along, she will conspire with them to humiliate you. Once again, only kitties in well-established households should consider her.

There you have it folks, a fair and balanced examination of my mom. I will consider any reasonable offer and trades will be considered. If there are any SERIOUS buyers, please contact me and we can negotiate.

Sahara Loves Me...

It has only been 8 short months since I was adopted, and it has been very tough learning my way around my new home. Mom assures me I have adapted marvelously and am a very nice buddy for my sister Sahara. I have tried really hard to understand her likes and dislikes while also trying to show her some of my personal idiosyncrasies.

She had a rough time understanding that I have no eyes so could not see her while I was walking. Also, I needed to understand she does not always enjoy being chased down the hall. Despite our differences I think we may have finally learned to become friends.

To prove this point, I conspired with mom, and I finally have some hard evidence that Sahara may actually love me.

Evidence File #1: Both of us relaxing on the big warm bed. Yeah, Sahara may look somewhat tentative, but I believe that is due to the flash from the camera scaring her.

Evidence File #2: Me enjoying a rest on my heated couch position while Sahara plays extremely close to me.

Evidence File #2(a): Same incident but from a frontal view.

Evidence File #2(b): Same frontal view, with zoom, to prove closeness of proximity.

Sahara loves me. Case closed...

I would like to thank mom for her assistance with solidifying my defense.

Politicians Sweep Midterm Elections...

So, mom sat and watched the election coverage yesterday. I being ineligible to vote, was not to interested in the results. So I spend the evening doing this...

And of course this...

When all was said and done, she was shocked at the final results. The Politicians won.

Resounding Victories In All States, Counties, Cities, Towns

WASHINGTON, DC-After months of aggressive campaigning and with nearly 99 percent of ballots counted, politicians were the big winners in Tuesday's midterm election, taking all 435 seats in the House of Representatives, retaining a majority with 100 out of 100 seats in the Senate, and pushing political candidates to victory in each of the 36 gubernatorial races up for grabs...